Are there places to buy kids clothes that don't have them strictly separated into the Kingdoms of Pink and Blue?   Especially for the young kids, it just seems so ridiculous and commercial.

That's my haul from Ikea last night.   I wavered about doing it right now, thinking it might be premature to get everything, but since J&J and the blue girl will be staying with me at the end of the month, I need a crib set up anyhow.   And having a twin bed set up will be useful for people staying over too.  And given that I was planning to use the delivery service (which is a flat fee no matter how much you have delivered), picking up the buffet I planned to get "sometime" made sense. (That gold cylinder you see is a lampshade that wasn't on my list, but was on sale!  That said, I didn't pick up even a fraction of the extra impulse stuff that I usually do when I'm there-- having a list and being on a strict time-table was key!)

I want to paint the wooden bed before I put it together, which more or less means painting it tonight.  Not sure of color, though-- possibly just out of same color of cheery green that I've been planning for the dining room chairs?

Signed up for pre-service training last week-- starts on Sept 6th, should be done by the start of November!

Also got tickets for Italy in October, to do that trip before I have a chance of placements.

Moving and travelling has been eating up my time lately-- the fact that I'm still not set up enough in the new place to feel "moved in" is frustrating, but I remind myself that I've been out of town for a LOT of the last month + a half.  Last night was a huge step forward, though-- got a few things (knife holder, pictures, etc) attached to walls.  Crazy what a difference that makes!

Also, I'm moving ahead with the big yellow house!   Not sure what I'll do with four bedrooms, but it was too nice an offer to turn down.    Moving at the end of the month (if you can call carrying everything next door "moving"...)

It will be sad to lose the firehouse, of course.   But outdoor parties will now be possible!  Of course, I forgot to check the water pressure before saying yes, but it can't be worse than the firehouse.

Carrots Grow from Carrot Seeds

I've been seeing a therapist for a little bit now-- mostly to have a support structure/second opinion in place when I do start having kids in my home, but also to talk through my motivations and expectations around rearranging my life to include kids.  (She also does a substantial part of her practice with kids and families dealing with attachment issues, both in the foster case system, and out of it, and I think she's really going to be a great resource to have in my network.)  The first couple weeks, we were mostly talking through my life as part of the getting to know you process, then did a little digging around my decision to move toward parenting without a partner in the picture.

Beets from the garden last weekend.

Today, though, we ended up mostly talking about the "imagining" part of preparing for kids.  And about balancing controlling expectations (life does like curve balls...) and imagination of what is to come being part of the necessary work to build the architecture in your mind and heart for bringing a child into your life.

It made me think of a sweet conversation with my mom this past weekend, while we were out surveying their amazing garden.   She was saying that she had imagined, before she had kids, gardening while the kids played and ran between the rows of veggies.  But once kids were actually in the picture, they didn't have the time/energy to do that much garden wise.   "But," she said, "I guess it was a vision that was just further in the future than I realized at the time!"   Maybe next summer there will be some kiddos to come to the garden, run around, and marvel at how fast the squash vines grow.

Not-so-little yellow house

House next door is back in the running! I think I'm going to take it. I'm hesitating, planning to work out the budget with the higher rent, etc, but I think I know deep down that that's just a show of "being responsible."

It has a reading nook at the top of the stairs. I'm not sure I'm capable of saying no to that...

Changing Time into Wine

Finally opened my law school graduation wine last Thursday.  It was a gift from my brother's girlfriend's parents when I graduated, and I meant to open it once I had a job.

Of course, it was the worst legal market in a long time at that time, and a job didn't come easily.  I had a short-term research fellowship, and then a internship, and then some consulting gigs-- nothing that seemed to call for opening the symbolic wine.  Finally, I started my current job last fall, but never had gotten around to figuring out what the right time for symbolic wine deployment was.  But, hey! I had my first-ever non-time-limited job (I've done a lot of fellowships and grant-funded things in my life...)

Thursday, two things prompted me to open it.  First, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the terrible VAWA version to show that they weren't going to go along with the Senate VAWA.   In this climate, compromise seems unlikely and unproductive, and while I don't think it's likely, I think that we should be concerned that there's a real chance of major disruption of funding to domestic violence services.  If that happens, I'm going to be job searching again.

Second, it was a good night for it. I had some friends coming over for dinner, friends who I've known for between 10-16 years, and who I don't imagine ever fully falling out of touch with. All the sorts of people who can graciously accept a little bit of symbolism with their wine without it being a big deal.  And I was going to open some bottle anyway, so why not this one?   I did in fact have another couple bottles on hand, even though often not having it sold at grocery stores in this state makes me forget to keep it stocked until I actively need it and it's not there.  (Usually this comes halfway through a recipe, when I realize I need half a cup of white wine, and I have to choose between not having the wine in there (sad for the flavors that are alcohol-soluble!) or turning some light-colored sauce distinctly purple with the random Shiraz I have in the fridge.)

So we drank the symbolic wine, which didn't taste bad at all, and it was a nice evening, and there was good food and good conversation.  And I was satisfied to officially close the door (U.S. Legislative Branch-willing...) on my post-graduation-, job-searching-, "what am I doing with my life?" days, and look towards new things.  Fostering is something that I wasn't even in a place to start considering in any real way when I got that bottle, and now it's becoming a very real focus of my life and plans.  It's good-tasting change, with body and subtlety and all that.

The Girl Who Dreamed Only Geese

Have been looking at children's books with an eye to great illustrations of a diverse range of kids.    Love this Leo & Diane Dillon painting from "The Girl Who Dreamed Only Geese and Other Tales of the Far North".

I might need to try to get all of their books: they're amazing illustrators AND they represent a wide range of people in their art.  This particular image would make a great framed print, don't you think?  How do you go about getting permission to do that, I wonder?

The Big To-Do List

There are a number of things I need to do to get my life ready for bringing kids into it.  Since the next foster training classes are in the fall, I have a nice period of time to get things in order and strengthen my safety net:

Official DCYF steps:

Fingerprint Affidavit (appt made for 6/12)
Application Submitted
Physician Approval Submitted
Background Checks Passed
References from Friends and Family
Homestudy
Lead Certification
Fire Inspection
Classes

My To Do:

- Find therapist
- Get Primary Care doctor
    - Release Form
    - Records Sent
    - Appointment
    - Faxed record from ST
    - Bloodwork
    - Get certification form signed.
-Release forms
- Dentist
- Renew Passport
- Visit Italy (October?)
- Investigate local UU churches
- Tell landlords plan to move
- Find 2BR or 3BR place
    - find movers (have referral)
    - negotiate moving dates
    - move
- Clothing purge to second-hand store
- Sell or donate old books (trade-in-credit to populate collection of kid's book would be good too!)

Things I'll need in the new house:

- Kid bed
- Crib?
- More bookshelves
- dining table chairs
- cool colorful educational decor (maps, infographics, etc)
- kid bedding
- toys
- washing machine/dryer (dad working on finding these on craigslist)
-Arrange washer/dryer delivery
- Microwave
- outdoor furniture and grill (not the top priority...)
- window AC units (determine config)

Picture books I need:
 (removing this list as I add them to the amazon wishlist, which seems a better place to keep track)

Down the Rabbit Hole Fire Pole?

I love my current apartment.   It's the second floor (and the lookout tower!) of an old firehouse, and it has lovely features (the first place I've live that I could imagine being photographed for a design blog...), a giant bathroom, laundry in the bathroom, a nice kitchen, open layout, sweet landlords who work in the first floor during the days, but aren't there nights/weekends (so I can sing and dance to my heart's content, and invite other people over to do the same...)

Of course, it's not perfect.  The hot water pressure is not entirely satisfactory.  And... well, basically that's my one major complaint.

But more or less, it's great, except that it only has one bedroom.  So, before I can complete my Quest of Foster Parent Licensing, I'm going to have to move.  I'm targeting August 1 or Sept 1 for the move.  No need to force it before that-- the next licensing class for my area starts in September, so it doesn't become a limiting factor until then.  June/July will be crunch time (need to give a month's notice), but until then, I can idly peruse Craigslist (dreaming of finding a little 3BR 1920's bungalow with a nice backyard and new windows, a dishwasher, and in-apartment laundry for under $1000....), trying to figure out what I want.

I'm more or less pulled towards 3 options for how to go about this.  In all cases, we're probably talking a 2-3BR double parlor flat of the sort ubiquitous around here:

Option A:  The Edge of Edgewood
Edgewood is a lovely neighborhood!  It's right near 3 things that are pretty sweet:  1)Roger Williams Park (lots of Green space!  A neo-classical Temple to Music! Carousel!  Swanboats!); 2) Work (as in, I'd be 5-10 minutes away from the office; 3) some of the better public schools in the area.

Pros:
Lots of trees!  More likely to have a backyard.
Close to work!
Pretty diverse!
More likely to be able to find something nice in my price range.

Cons:
A little further away from north-living folks
Don't know people in the neighborhood.

Option B: Summit or Oak Hill
Return to the East Side, or vaguely north of it.  It's an area with more people I know, plus cool things always going on.  However, it's more expensive, and might not be as doable.  Schools are also an issue-- I'm not thrilled at the idea of doing education advocacy in Providence, and I hear that it's not much better in Pawtucket?   Still, if I found a nice place that fit my budget around here, I'd be mighty tempted.

Pros:
Close to Providentials.
Closer to Northern folks (and everyone who's anyone knows how to get there...)
Very liveable neighborhood, easy to walk to parks.

Cons:
More expensive.
Providence side is less likely to have yards because of stupid parking regs.
School systems would likely be a pain to deal with.

Crazy Option C:
Ok, not really an option in any concrete way.  But, I wonder if my landlords might possibly offer me the house next door at a reasonable price to keep me as a tenant.  It's probably more space than I need, but it's really lovely, with a window seat on the landing, and so on.

Pros:
Big, gorgeous space
Nice landlords, who act a bit like extended family, in a non-creepy way.
Nice back yard? (I think--- haven't actually seen it.)

Cons:
Neighborhood is a little dodgy.
Ice Cream trucks rampage through the neighborhood, and I am weak to the pleas of children...
Big house might cost a fortune to heat. (also, old windows)
Could house pass lead inspection? (see above, re: old windows.)
Providence schools, as above, likely a pain to negotiate with

First Steps

I needed some phone number the other day, and I vaguely remembered having scribbled it in my date book.   Flipping back over the past few months, I saw that I had the monthly foster care info session written down each month for the past 3 months.  February it had snowed out of nowhere (ok, not that snow is unexpected in New England in February, but this past winter was crazy warm-- and one of the TWO time it snowed (the other being the Halloween Blizzard...), it was the night of the foster care info session.  Then in March, I had a hearing run late-- probably not too late, just late enough that doing something else that night seemed exhausting (there's been a lot to learn this year-- I'm looking forward to doing it again next year with 2000% more clue...)

As it happened, the April event was that night.  And, having seen the history of the intent in my calendar, I felt pretty committed to having the third time be the charm.  If nothing else, I write in pen in my calendar, and 4 months running of the same appointment would knock down all that "getting things DONE!" pride that I got for getting my taxes in NOT AT THE LAST MINUTE.

Yeah, it's been a little "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" around here lately...

All of which is to say, I went to the info session.  Which was more like a conversation with the recruiter, since I was the only one there.  So, I'm not really sure what her spiel would have been with more folks-- by asking questions more or less off the bat I got her to skip most of the demographic info (because I had spent an hour studying the 2011 numbers in my shiny new RI Kids Count Factbook last week) and basic overview of how the child protective and court systems work.

Most of my questions were either the logistical (lead inspections, how does transportation to visits work, can you let friends and family babysit when needed, how do you get approved to be a child's educational advocate) and broad (have you seen working single people do this successfully, is this crazy for me to be considering???).  I was a bit relieved to be the only one there when she brought up a few "things people usually ask."  For instance:

- "Why would you ever want the kids to return to their parents?  Aren't their parents terrible people?"
- "How many white kids are in foster care?"
- "Can I have a healthy baby to be all mine forever?" (Ok, she didn't phrase it that way, but I got the distinct sense that she felt like she had to manage my expectations in that department because of my race and age-- of course the thirty-something white woman is just pretending to want to foster to try to get a baby.)

The big thing for me is in my own court, though-- I need to settle my living arrangement more before I can take the next step.  Most concrete is that I can't do this living in the firehouse-- at a minimum, I need a second bedroom.  But being some place a little more walkable and with a park nearby would be a good plan too.  I also need to do some network-expanding and getting my own support structures set up-- get a stable local doctor, etc.

One option would be to hold off on this for another couple years, and arrange things to move back to DC, which has the big bonus of family nearby.  But I think I don't want to put this on hold that long.  So, I'm going to start moving towards this.  The next licensing class is in the autumn, and my plan is to be there.