Out with the old, in with the ??

Oh, 2012, you crazy thing you...

Part I:  2012 began with the easiest winter I can remember-- both in terms of snow and, more important to me, my mood.  Fabulous job, fabulous friends, all was good.  The big project on my plate outside of work was prepping Pat's house to be sold (my g'ma's best friend from growing up had left my grandma her house when she passed away, and it was a crazy run-down, beautiful historic house in upstate NY, surrounded by woods and bears, and full of amazing things).   By the time the winter was over, the house had been sold to a lovely family, and my house was full of old books and antique furniture.   I was in the midst of my first legislative season, and work was a huge (and rewarding!) part of my thoughts and time.

Part II: By the end of spring, I decided to take a leap on something I'd been thinking about for a long time, and started the process to become a foster parent.   I moved out of the Firehouse, and moved in next door into a big yellow house.  Lovely folks came over and helped me build a crib (which Indigo put to good use when J&J&she stayed with me at the end of the summer.)  I signed up for the classes, got fingerprinted, started getting the necessary out of state clearances (etc, etc-- seriously a crazy level of bureaucracy is involved...)

Part III:  And then I spent the rest of the year in New Relationship Land.  Which isn't a story for social networking, but suffice to say it's a wonderful, and totally unexpected, turn of events.

So, my major take away from last year is that to make plans is to invite the universe to poke at them.  The different work/family/kids/love chapters above didn't have easily understood transitions between them (what hack is writing this story, anyway?), and I can't really predict what 2013's chapters will look like.  I was so fortunate this year that the shocking moments in my story were joyful and exciting ones, and that the pain they brought me was the logistical problem of how to have all the good things at the same time-- that's not a fate track record you can ask for every year.

(Attached is my working draft of my "manifesto" for 2013.  I'll live with it for a few days before I have it printed and put it on the wall, but I think it's close to what I'm looking for-- more about mindset than particular plans.  Some things with an eye to getting through the next few months when I know that the winter likely won't be so easy this year.  I'm not sure how it will extend throughout the year-- it has an "early spring" feel to me right now.  But it's less about concrete goals and "accountability" than it is about having a vision of what I want life to look and feel like for me right now.  And after a year of high energy, hairpin turns in life direction, I'm excited to cultivate some time of just sitting out on the porch with a cup of tea, watching crocuses come up, and enjoying a period without particular driving plans.)

Are there places to buy kids clothes that don't have them strictly separated into the Kingdoms of Pink and Blue?   Especially for the young kids, it just seems so ridiculous and commercial.

That's my haul from Ikea last night.   I wavered about doing it right now, thinking it might be premature to get everything, but since J&J and the blue girl will be staying with me at the end of the month, I need a crib set up anyhow.   And having a twin bed set up will be useful for people staying over too.  And given that I was planning to use the delivery service (which is a flat fee no matter how much you have delivered), picking up the buffet I planned to get "sometime" made sense. (That gold cylinder you see is a lampshade that wasn't on my list, but was on sale!  That said, I didn't pick up even a fraction of the extra impulse stuff that I usually do when I'm there-- having a list and being on a strict time-table was key!)

I want to paint the wooden bed before I put it together, which more or less means painting it tonight.  Not sure of color, though-- possibly just out of same color of cheery green that I've been planning for the dining room chairs?

Signed up for pre-service training last week-- starts on Sept 6th, should be done by the start of November!

Also got tickets for Italy in October, to do that trip before I have a chance of placements.

Moving and travelling has been eating up my time lately-- the fact that I'm still not set up enough in the new place to feel "moved in" is frustrating, but I remind myself that I've been out of town for a LOT of the last month + a half.  Last night was a huge step forward, though-- got a few things (knife holder, pictures, etc) attached to walls.  Crazy what a difference that makes!

Also, I'm moving ahead with the big yellow house!   Not sure what I'll do with four bedrooms, but it was too nice an offer to turn down.    Moving at the end of the month (if you can call carrying everything next door "moving"...)

It will be sad to lose the firehouse, of course.   But outdoor parties will now be possible!  Of course, I forgot to check the water pressure before saying yes, but it can't be worse than the firehouse.

Carrots Grow from Carrot Seeds

I've been seeing a therapist for a little bit now-- mostly to have a support structure/second opinion in place when I do start having kids in my home, but also to talk through my motivations and expectations around rearranging my life to include kids.  (She also does a substantial part of her practice with kids and families dealing with attachment issues, both in the foster case system, and out of it, and I think she's really going to be a great resource to have in my network.)  The first couple weeks, we were mostly talking through my life as part of the getting to know you process, then did a little digging around my decision to move toward parenting without a partner in the picture.

Beets from the garden last weekend.

Today, though, we ended up mostly talking about the "imagining" part of preparing for kids.  And about balancing controlling expectations (life does like curve balls...) and imagination of what is to come being part of the necessary work to build the architecture in your mind and heart for bringing a child into your life.

It made me think of a sweet conversation with my mom this past weekend, while we were out surveying their amazing garden.   She was saying that she had imagined, before she had kids, gardening while the kids played and ran between the rows of veggies.  But once kids were actually in the picture, they didn't have the time/energy to do that much garden wise.   "But," she said, "I guess it was a vision that was just further in the future than I realized at the time!"   Maybe next summer there will be some kiddos to come to the garden, run around, and marvel at how fast the squash vines grow.

Not-so-little yellow house

House next door is back in the running! I think I'm going to take it. I'm hesitating, planning to work out the budget with the higher rent, etc, but I think I know deep down that that's just a show of "being responsible."

It has a reading nook at the top of the stairs. I'm not sure I'm capable of saying no to that...